я Σ ñ ë z - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - dreams

2012-01-27T11:37:00.001+08:00

Very cute kitten, click here.

2012-01-24T00:56:00.001+08:00

I hope god faster dig me out from my job, and put me somewhere else where i feel more belong. I hope to work for them, that them.

2012-01-20T13:55:00.001+08:00

Im on my way to the bank n heading to sgh for my follow-up checkup. When i went out it wasnt raining, only when i've been standing at e busstop for awhile.. It started raining. Took bus, n reached bus interchange soon after. I walk to e bank by shelter n finish doin my stuff i walk back e same way. But halfway walkin everyone stood back n soon realised e situation. There's gusty wind blowing all e heavy rain into the shelters area. N we couldnt realii move outwards bcux we didnt wana get real wet. After e wind gettin lesser, i cross.. Still gets alittle wet thou.. But doesnt realii matters. Then continue walk into e interchange n tot i'll b safe n dry with that big coverage at e interchange. But i was wrong.. E gusty wind came again.. N everyone in e interchange was in total drenched, same goes to me. While everyone struggle thru e heavy wind, some would probably stomp it online. Rite infront me was a lady filming e interchange situations, screams n fears of ppl. Im in e video.. Probably i'll b on stomp. Lol. Super paiseh thou, was tryin to protect my ipad n my camera + lenses.

Fully drenched when i reached mrt stations.

2012-01-19T02:02:00.004+08:00

Looking thru my past blogpost. Flashing back for a moment.

For awhile, im thinking.. Who's always there visiting my blog? Read my life? Who r u?

Stranger, strangers.. Or friends, or admirer, please let me know who u r.. U can comment below.. I'll watchout for comments from now on. However, i dun realii noe how ppl comment on my blog.. There's no "comment" button.. Or probably, u noe better than me uh? Look forward to ur comments k?

2012-01-19T01:42:00.002+08:00

These few years of blogging, until now then i realised "comments" can b configured. N i realised all the unseen comments throughtout the years. For those who commented, im so sorry!! I didnt saw it until now.. =_=/// .. Now, i sees it but duno click where to reply.. Will find ways to reply.. In e meantime.. Clearing up spam.

2012-01-18T22:43:00.001+08:00

I somehow had alittle break playing tat piano game apps of mine for awhile. When i play for quite awhile, i got bored n couldnt play well when i upgraded to four finger play. However, realising when i get realli emotional.. I managed to play it far better wen im in perfect condition. I played continous four songs to let go my stress, fear, anger & disappointment.

Now i feel better.

2012-01-18T21:31:00.001+08:00

I feel transparent today. Totally transparent.

2012-01-18T10:02:00.002+08:00

15th jan was a day for my first time trial and error studio shoot.

N.. In e evening, shoot a ideal sunset at a friend house. Almost, didnt managed to shoot the sunset although prepared everything quite earlier. My friend initial to bring me over to few blocks away with a nicer view. So i went with him. However, the view was not pleasing to me. It sees too many hdb roof waterpipes and concrete. When framing, only able to see 50% of the desire view and remaining percentage of unwanted stuff. So we made this quick decision to run back to his house.. Bcux the sun is already setting n we have no much time. So we ran fast back to his block. N.. Wen we r in e lift, he says higher is better.. "Let's go to the top". But i was alittle stress then.. I told him, we shouldnt b greedy n want "more" than wat we've which is good enug.. Especially in such a rush. Halfway talkin about that, the lift jam. Then there, i've inner thoughts.. "kama, kama!".. If u wan more, u will nv get wat u original want.. So dun b greedy!!! Then for awhile, i feel hopeless n think "will we b stuck til the day after?".. Dun nid to shoot sunset liao.. Dun nid to work liao.. This are e 1st two thing comin into my mind then followby dun nid to shit liao, dun nid to eat liao.

Good grief, the door finally opens at one of e not desired level. N.. We uses staircase to reach his house. N.. There, with a calm mind n sweaty body.. I shoot n watch the whole sunset.

This is the photo created: http://www.flickr.com/photos/icering/6707996901/in/photostream

2012-01-12T12:19:00.001+08:00

Another fortune cookie eaten by me.

2012-01-12T12:12:00.002+08:00

My works that has submitted to noise has been selected to exhibit. However, the ones i preferred hasnt been chosen. N, it's just one.. Tat has been chosen. It's "Life of a color pencil". The exhibition will be at random mrt station.

2012-01-12T01:24:00.001+08:00

I bought some fortune cookies planned to give out most of it to my colleagues. But haven do so. I gave one to stefan and another one to my mum. They dun realii noe how to eat tat.. So to teach them i've to pick one of those n let them see how i eat it. N here, here is e little tag of words i've gotten.

2012-01-12T01:03:00.004+08:00

Goldfish Salvation is my new inspiration.

Riusuke Fukahori 深堀隆介 is a painter as well as a artist whom made his painting into 3d sculpture. Very original concept and great idea, makes a perfect series of works.

It's currently exhibiting in london. Unfortunately, today will be the last day of the exhibition.

Some other bloggers, blogs about him too: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/riusuke-fukahori

Some features online: http://www.demilked.com/incredibly-realistic-3d-goldfish-paintings-by-riusuke-fukahori/

2012-01-11T12:21:00.001+08:00

I forgotten i've another dream at the first 5hr of my sleep last nite. I tink i woke up n i sms stefan. N now i saw my sent msg.. I dreamt of my passed away tortee.

2012-01-11T12:04:00.001+08:00

I had a long nightmare in my last night sleep.. I managed to eat my supplement n slept 5 hour straight, woke up 1 n half hour n sleep back 5 hour again.

My nightmare, was a family dream. I dreamt my mum told me tat my current father isnt biological. She told me my biological father was killed in a murdering incident. It felt abit painful hearing that.. N wen she tells me more, she said my biological father dotes on me alot. I feel like burst crying. I missed so much about wat has happened n until now.. Almost 20yrs has passed then she mentioned to me. Wat if it happens to u? Will u get realli hurt to not known where u came from, without any memories in ur mind? N someone realli cares for u n love u soo much leave u without knowing he existed b4. It feel pain n lost in my dream. Then my mum told me, she jus dun wana make me fatherless that's y she married my current father. However, my current dad is treating me quite well already jus tat he cant complete e "love" part. There's more details in my dream but it's hard to describe..

This blog post here is jus for me to remember wat i've been doin n wat happened to me at this every single day when i blog. Wen im older i will look thru.. I believe i would b able to recalled jus by reading this. N ofcux, this blog post is also for my friends n follower to read. Although, i dun realli noe who do visit regularly. I see numbers jumping on web counter!! Means there's quite a few!

In real life, my dad still cant fulfill e love part.. Bcux he is biase without him knowing or mayb he jus dun wana acknowledge that he is. Another thing, he seriously love his money more than me. Sometimes i get alittle mind torture, but gd enug no physical torture. There's more other stuff. Tire of reminding myself. Let's not continue anymore.

Hope you enjoy ur day ahead!

2012-01-10T17:56:00.002+08:00

My favourite photography series of my own : http://www.behance.net/gallery/FOG-SCAPE/2802553

Even the whole world not liking it, it will still be my favourite. Please click appreciate it if you do. Thanks!

2012-01-10T17:41:00.003+08:00

When i was younger, my teacher ask me what is my ambition? And I said "I want to be everything in my life and I hope to change my job every year so that I can experience all sorts of things". Now I've grown up, I still have the same mindset. I want to be everything! But not change every year la.. I hope to be a photographer, also doing other "more" stuff freelance or as passion.

I've been an interior designer, architect's assistant, bubble tea vendor which is not in my dreamlist but in my memories now. I used to have the top 10 things i wana b.. Cant rmb.. But e few tat i could rmb is violinist, singer, cyclist, entrepenuer, poet writer. Haha.. Looks like all r not successful. Infact, after i grew abit older.. Like e recent years.. My dream job has developed into a totally different field. I hope to be a fulltime photographer, not yet successful.. Still in the midst of trying. However, i got some archivements in life now. Eg. I do freelance graphic design, n part time enterpenuer for selling my published books n postcards, also has been shooting alot alot of photos for passion as well as freelance. What else!? I made book n paper crafts n open stalls few years ago for fun n experience different lifestyle!!

Looking backwards, i realized that i've been lookin down on myself too much. I might not be good with anything to do with my left brain but atleast im doin quite average with using my right brain.

N.. Some ppl hates me for wat i can do too.

2012-01-09T12:17:00.001+08:00

My fav ice cream in the world is from "cold rock". And, it's the "bubblegum" flavour icecream + additional topping "nerds"!!!!!

2012-01-07T23:11:00.001+08:00

Sometimes having inspirative mind can be quite tiring, especially im not rich enug to fulfill wat i've in mind. However, i tink is a great idea to be made. Researched online to get further inspiration but no one did that b4.. So my only inspiration is from my mind.. Tat vision that keeps on flashing in my mind.

2012-01-07T10:30:00.001+08:00

<< Some updates on the side bars

2012-01-05T21:39:00.003+08:00

One fine day someday last week, i wanted to made an ipad cover for myself so i thought of lots of crazy ideas.. however, it did not come true.. due to no time!! But, one of my idea is to use nice cloth n sew my "abandoned dirty" labbit broken keychain onto it. So i went washing it n then dry it.. hoping to make something out of it. However, til now.. no time. Or perhaps i wun say i've no time, but I would rather spend abit of my freetime for me to rest.. Has been working too hard these days, gotta pamper myself abit more.

2012-01-05T13:24:00.002+08:00

Went shopping at the CENTRAL shoppin mall on the 2nd last day of year 2011.. n ate in a very nice jap restaurant n also, brought few unique clothes that are rare find anywhere else. I took a photo of that shop's namecard.. So that i could share it here with everyone, their clothes are really nice.

2011-12-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

This self-portrait will be my new profile pic for my blog for year 2012. Haha. "New" new year resolution plus also display photo. This is one of those series.. alot was not uploaded, some are uploaded in facebook.

2011-12-26T12:27:00.001+08:00

Today once again is my off day. Been busy n tire.. Hard to find any good time to take a rest. This morning i woke up earlier to clean up my junk room.. Didnt expect to clean for 2hrs straight.. Due to lots of junk. Lol. After cleaning up, by right i've to refill my printer ink n print my client's cd n send it out asap but time not enough!! Gosh.. Now im oso late for dating!!! Lol. Today afternn suppose to meet stefan to go shopping together.. For my daily usage stuff n some other things i need. Stefan bought for me ipad n a new laptop for xmas. So later, i've to buy ipad case for protection n so on. Somehow i feel ipad is pretty useless for me.. Bcux i dun have another 3G line n i dun realii go for much entertainment stuff. My life is jus too bz for those. N camera is currently my only entertainment.

Anyway, wen i stepped out home today.. Down to my block lobby.. I heard something sounds like cleaner sweeping leaves.. But when i walked out of my block i realised it's not.. I see strong winds sweeping trees.. Lol. N my first thought was "if there's a furry caterpillar around, then it must have been blown away". Then aha!! My eyes turned over n look at tat same old position i saw a beautiful furry caterpillar b4. N tata!! It's there, a caterpillar!! I usually hates longish stuff but i think i seems to like this one. The other time i saw it was so near beside me at tat same old railing im talking about.. My hair stand when i realised its existence, n tat was wen i found out actually caterpillar r not as disgusting. However, the ones i like r e furry ones n they r all cute n poisonous!!!! Lol.

2011-12-26T00:59:00.001+08:00

I dreamt i got into the photographer assistant job.. Was happily smiling n setting up e stuff for shoots. My first time holding nikon d3x in my dream. Real life, not even once. Hope i can get into my desire job. No matter how many ppl wish i wont get into it, i'll still try my best to get into it.

2011-12-23T23:21:00.001+08:00

我忽然發現有很多人都比我更傷心，更需要人家的關心。

2011-12-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

Yummie.. Today's lunch i ate korean tofu seafood soup meal + peranankan lady fingers side dish. Dinner i ate chicken rice with oyster sauce vege set meal + honeydew & aga aga. Muahahaha. Today my workplace, two ppl mc n one on leave.. So we r out of manpower.. Cant leave workplace, cant eat at staff canteen. So boss say da bao whicheva we like at mbs foodcourt.. Then we jus all go wild!! Lol. Luxury meals today.. All of us go high for food.. Lol. However, 3 of us work from morning til night.. Doing 6 person workload. Haha. We feel so worth it somehow.. Haha.

2011-12-22T11:54:00.001+08:00

I cant play racing car games on e bus!!! It keep on boucing.. Hard to control.. Then owaz lost. Sob. Recently i downloaded one very fun game in my iphone.. It keeps me expressive.. Lol!!

2011-12-22T00:32:00.001+08:00

Wen i passby my working place entrance, while walking that rows of space i felt much sad than i am at home. Bcux my terrapin was adopted by me from there.. It almost die of hunger n human stepping on it. But thinking about it, its shell was much stronger wen he was in a natural or maybe man-made natural environment. =(

I feel i was wrong to picked it up from e floor. I feel tat my terrapin will hate me horribly. Jux like wen i feed it everytime, it looks at me n refuse to eat until i went off then it eats. It's only im aware it's nt healthy then it starts to likes me alittle bit more, he no longer struggle wen i pickin it up to cleamup n everything.

I duno how pain it is to die this way, but i somehow feel heartbroken for this kinda thing to happen. However, i dun wish it to stay any longer n suffer handicapped n oso painful illness. Hope my tortee rest in peace. ='(

2011-12-19T21:23:00.001+08:00

My terrapin has just died of illness after my bf fetch it over to his house for 2 days to take tender care to it. Stefan definately is more tender towards animals n pets than i am. My terrapin was an abandoned pet tat i found on streets.. N after i picked it up i wanted to take good care of it n feed it healthily. Unfortunately, not long after i realised it has something yellow growing at the backside.. Stefan went to e pet shop n bought a lotion medicine n i apply it regularly on it but it doesnt help. Also, read some forums online to know more.. Tried everyway i can do.. But it still doesnt heal.. N soon it became worst. It has been crippled for e past 3 months n passed away today's afternoon. 3 days ago i wanted stefan to help me to bring it down to vet. However, after knowing the cost n hearing bout situation of my colleague's terrapin.. We decided not to bring it down. My colleague have such situation to the terrapin also.. The terrapin doesnt grow any bigger n soon after came along fungal infection, soft shell n tail dropped off. Less than one week after the tail dropped off, it dies at my bf's house.

It has been bury at stefan's condo, underneath one of those beautiful flower.

I did not witness the death bcux i was at work. But stefan told me tat its head, hands n legs r all outside n its mouth is open wide n eyes is close.. It stays there for few hours w e same position n stefan tries to touch it but it jus did not move. It's starting to dissolve n e smell is heavier. I tink it goes thru pain b4 it dies tat's probably y e mouth is open wide. ='(

2011-12-18T20:16:00.001+08:00

I shall give up aft this last try. Good luck to me thou i think chance wun goes to me. I feel depress for a long time bout e media thing already, it has to stop. But stop without trying, i'll probably make myself worst. So last try, n jus let things be natural. Jiayou, kuok ai ling.

2011-12-17T08:32:00.001+08:00

Im trying to take a good n well looking self-portrait of myself to update my portfolio n resume. Ytd was super exhausted after reached home but after bath, i see myself in e mirror of my makeup desk n decided to shoot a natural look of myself. I wanted to smile atleast abit in e photo but i couldnt. Looks like my life is pretty saddened now. Here are two photos from my iphone.

2011-12-17T08:24:00.001+08:00

There's a term says "never give up". I did not.. But when i wana try again, hope gave up on me. Should i just let it go? Im probably lucky but i didnt cherish it. This is the punishment from God. Maybe he knows better what is good for me.. Maybe working at where i am now is better?

2011-12-16T22:46:00.001+08:00

This year i done two regretful ting to my life. One, is to not submit resume to my company's media department. Two, is to pick tortise up from the floor n adopt it.

I hope i can wash off this two thing from my mind.. N get a new start next year.

2011-12-16T21:35:00.001+08:00

I dont want to be good, i want to be very good.

Im currently looking for a good photography studio company to get into. A better prospect jobline, i want to learn.. Hope to Learn from the best.

2011-12-16T00:03:00.001+08:00

My company's party.. Dress code is 'international'. So this is what i wore, however was pretty dissapointed tat most of my colleague didnt follow e theme.. So i looks e most maloo one. N jus nice, e front door mascot people is oso dressing the same as me.. So i went up n take picture with them.. Photo here:

2011-12-15T23:39:00.001+08:00

A scene to make people worry. Bus long queue-ing to stop n let passenger alight. So long queue that it cross few traffic lights at e back.. Traffic jam n overflooded people due to the evening power failure of mrt in singapore. I was at my company's dinner/party.. Didnt noe a single thing until not long ago. It looks n feels like something major happened to sg.. It has nv became this worst. I start to feel abit worry thou. I heard people break mrt window to get ventilations. It's mayhem.

2011-12-13T19:56:00.004+08:00

Here are some random stuff i see (in my room) this morning when i woke up. Took some self-portrait as well.. will upload it when im free. Currently, u all can view the few photos below.. =)

1st photo: my few favourite books on my bookshelf.
2nd to 5th photo: one of my favourite creative illustration book; "the rabbit problem"
6th photo: year 2012 diaries with my photography on it, for my own collection.. pack in mini filecase.

7th photo: random photo of myself & friends.
8th & 9th photo: I've framed up my recent publication postcards, put it as decoration in my room.

Dreams

2011-12-13T00:47:00.001+08:00

Ytd i have two weird dream:

1st dream: tornado in sg, i can see frm my hse window!! Then trying to pack bags n evacuate from affected areas in sg. -_-||| then suddenly e tornado came nearer to my hse, i faster grab survivor kit n then save my camera bag.. After tat im soon washed off in e tornado n after tat duno y i was with afew escaped strangers on the highest n safer point of sg. (i was so regret tat i didnt waterproof my camera)

Soon after:

2nd dream: dropped off from e bus, i need to go a place whereby e busstop i need to drop off infront of a super haunted n creepy abandoned school. Scarily walked off from e busstop with fear n try to reach my destination.. I cross opposite from e haunted school n then walk faster ahead.. Then passesby some hdb jungles, saw alot of cats.. Suddenly while walking, saw them raising up their hands directing me.. N.. Then one almost came up to talk to me.. So called: "To be continue dot dot dot.."

2011-12-11T23:40:00.001+08:00

I m somehow very disappointed with myself y didnt i send my resume to media department of my company wen they open to hiring. Sigh. Now it's too late. I've been trying hard to look for photographer assistant job or even photographer jobs.. However, it seeks harder than i thought. Feel abit depressing.. Afew companies replied me saying tat they r nt hiring at e moment. Or im thinking, does my photography looks too bad compared to theirs or did it looks too expensive to hire? Sigh.

2011-12-10T23:12:00.001+08:00

Im in a lonely little world.. When everyone is looking at e moon.. I jus cant find e moon wherever i look.. Bcux im under e roof.. Workin so hard. N even thou im on my way home, i still cant see.. Im covered by lots of skyscrapers n buildings.. N in e bus on e way home, im covered by e bus roof once again.

2011-12-08T18:58:00.000+08:00

Today is my off day, n i need to complete whole lot of stuff.. but almost all did not manage to complete.. im not feelin well. Soo gona stop doing the things, n get some rest soon.

"Good Life" - OneRepublic (Alex Goot & Megan Nicole cover)

2011-12-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

This is one very comfortable music to listen..

"Only Girl (In The World)" - Alex Goot + Boyce Avenue

2011-12-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

I've been watching youtube singer mtv these days to keep myself relax and calm down from stress. Feel abit better than ytd, gain back alittle appetite but still tire.

I think music r jus as like photography. They need layers of details to make them nearer to perfection. Here's one good music that i appreciate from Youtube. You can also look up for "Sam Tsui, Lisa Hannigan, Alex Goot".. They are pretty good as well, very much similar to realistic singer.

2011-12-07T20:12:00.001+08:00

Im sorting out my heart. Hope it'll be fine soon.

I didnt contact stefan anymore after that little quarrel. I didnt say i've no fault.. But im jus tire.. N if i contact, i might hurt him again. So i don't.. It's also a good chance for him to think twice whether im e one for him. Although i've assure that he's e one for me n unwilling to leave him. But hurt is still hurt, it's enough. We r both tire i guess.

Im alone now, but no longer feeling lonely.

Everytime when my heart n mind is lost, under stress or fill with sadness, i'll feel like changing my appearance.. Im goin to, soon.

Next week, im renting korean hanbok for my company's year end party.. Although my feelings has not b settled down.. But i jus wana look pretty for a moment n then leave from this stress.. Not so soon, but one day i will.

2011-12-07T00:48:00.001+08:00

My bed is my only nest in the world.. Nowhere else. I've been living in a silent world for awhile.. Hoping that ppl would stop caring bout how i feel. N i do care silently, n doesn't wish to say. I wana b alittle bit more selfish than b4 to not make me go crazy, i've stay away from e crowd n noise. I need silent.

2011-12-06T21:00:00.001+08:00

2011-12-06T20:23:00.001+08:00

I seriously hav no appetite.. But im forcing myself to atleast eat something so tat i wont fall a sick. My dinner of the day is 1 kaya waffle + watermelon milk tea w pearl.

2011-12-06T07:51:00.001+08:00

My bedroom is super messy, jus as my mind. Ytd i had a nightmare, being scolded for doing something tat my dad think it's wrong but i didnt do anything. Sigh.. Even my dream, seem so tire. Today morning, wen i look into e bus reflection i realised my appearance looks pretty cui.. Looks very tire.. Very very tire..

2011-12-05T19:53:00.001+08:00

At this moment, i feel that im realii childish n unprofessional in e things i do. I managed to b a part time enterpeuneur, i sell my postcards in shops. I managed to get freelance photography projects n oso maintain my fulltime job. However, wen my fulltime job has problem it affects my emotion. Im stress n un-coop-able for awhile. N wen im emotion stress, i need ppl to tok to.. But i cant expect full attention from anyone.. N things get worst wen i tok to ppl halfway thru. But now, i stop talking. I wana b alone. I dun wana screw anyone up for nothing. So now, u r warn to not call me thru phone or see me face to face.. If not u r finding ur own death. Im sorry to say, but this is wat a emotion unstable person will do.. I've been quite good to warn u first. So step back, until i say im alrite already.

2011-12-05T19:07:00.001+08:00

Im goin to register company in a few days or week time. However, i wish to register a name that will be much better than "renez photography". Also, i'll be involve in alittle graphic designing n e main photography almost everything for now. Although, in e future hope to do photography projects that r alot better. Help me think of names if u can. I was thinking bout "renez & co."? Or wat else....? Still thinking.

2011-12-05T00:47:00.001+08:00

I duno how much in my lifetime i'll repeat this.. But i seriously hate myself soo much.

Did i told u? My teenager time, wen ppl ask me wat's my wishes i will tell them "i wish to faster grow up n faster die too". It hasn't really change when somethings tat r uncontrollable in me happens.

I seriously feel like stopping here, n stopping now. Means, die at this moment. I dun feel like moving on. But i duno how to kill myself. Let me figure out.

2011-12-04T22:50:00.001+08:00

I would love to work hard in a place where people work hard for themselves too..

2011-12-01T20:34:00.001+08:00

Im outside now. Am very tire, im tire till i feel really dizzy, feel like fainting. No energy to walk or talk or whicheva.

Before this i sent my postcards to cat socrates.. Trying to get concentration for awhile.. But jus couldn't. Im seriously too tire. Omg.

2011-12-01T01:26:00.002+08:00

I was alittle luckier, not all the postcards are exactly the same exposure.. it looks like some r still sellable.. here's e product picture of my postcards:

2011-11-30T13:48:00.001+08:00

Im quite disappointed with how my postcard turns out after printout. The printer shop person sort of adjusted my colours n also overexpose abit.. N my photo now looks like some ah gao ah mao photo on postcard.. Lol. Decontrasted like hell. Wat's ur view of it? Some picture below. However, my 2nd thought is my expectation r far too high tat's y i'll feel this way.. Im doubting.

2011-11-29T10:34:00.001+08:00

I duno y but i realise the sky is very blue n beautiful today. I wonder isit bcux i wear a different spectacles today. I used my iphone took a photo at my block lobby wen i got my first impression of that beautiful sky.

2011-11-28T22:37:00.002+08:00

Amazing compilation of inspirational photos, graphics and animation picture.. including the music playing on that page. AMAZING! : http://atmospherica.tumblr.com/

Hardest song on piano ever! (Circus Galop)

2011-11-28T11:34:00.000+08:00

I've found this by accident online. This is like the hardest song to play on piano even if u've four hands.. omg!! scary lesson!! It's music name is "Circus Galop". I suddenly just get so interested to know more about this song n its composer. Lol.

2011-11-23T23:41:00.001+08:00

http://redchalksketch.wordpress.com/2011/02/03/maximilians-schell-benjamin-ball-gaston-nogues/ amazing roof & ventilation design

2011-11-23T19:18:00.001+08:00

I love to see beautiful things, beautiful in my eyes. Sometimes, it might not be photo. It also can be movement or nowadays they call it video.

I was running from a distance towards the a blinking green man traffic light.. It's raining n my cloth shoe is light pink color.. Dun wana dirty it.. The floor is wet.. I gentlely step, step n run step run step crossing the road.. Looking at my leg stepping n looking at the front image which my eyes sees amazed me. Also, when the motion wind blew.. It feels so good. Jus like dramatv..

Level 0

2011-11-23T08:54:00.001+08:00

Sorry, my one msg bcame 3 parts.. Lol. My blog post today alittle different.. Using iphone printscreen on e notepad. Haha..

2011-11-22T23:59:00.001+08:00

Interesting illustration: http://theoatmeal.com/tag/popular

2011-11-22T22:12:00.001+08:00

i feel like watching romance movie that can make me cry.

2011-11-22T17:34:00.000+08:00

It's disgusting looking at how my father eats his dinner.. n later im gona eat it.. omg.. he has somehow eat n eat, n then continue pour more plain water into e soup.. omg. later i'll be drinking that. OH MY GOD!!!!

2011-11-22T14:42:00.003+08:00

I'm backed home after a few days of backpacking vacation.. ate different kind of food, live different lifestyle.. n.. I slept somewhere near the central area of singapore.. it's a empty space which is a halfway done construction site and with a nice view and also a good n safe place to live in. Dont ask me any question, but it's a nice experience.

2011-11-20T08:33:00.001+08:00

When u find urself so 'extra' in bout everywhere u exist.. Would u go far away n find urself another nest?

2011-11-19T08:24:00.001+08:00

Im goin backpacking in singapore for a few days.. Bcux my room is out of space for me.. My dad is keepin my cousins in our house like a budget hotel.. Soo.. I gona shift somewhere to sleep.. N my dad says i can sleep where my mum n dad sleep.. Which means im a very big gooseberry.. N oso it distract my daily life, especially searching for inspirations to design stuff. My room is full of inspiration, it takes alot of effort to build my room.. N now they r takin over.. I'll see it bcoming a junk room soon n later.. N hopefully tat feeling of my room wun change. I'll b in e west central of singapore.. Wun b at around my hse area.. Plz contact me by my hp or fb if needed. Thanks!

2011-11-16T23:22:00.003+08:00

Here's the diaries that has my "beginners" kind of photoworks on it.

It was selected by Henry Marketing Company and they mass published onto their diaries for 2012, it's selling in all Popular Bookstores in Singapore now.

http://henrymarketingservices.blogspot.com/2010/09/diary-2011.html

One of those photos that published is the most popular photo in my deviantart, however they cropped it till it looks not as good.

2011-11-16T21:02:00.001+08:00

Stefan n i went to novena today in e afternn. I went there to eat lunch n collect stuff from my friend n he went there to accompany me actually. N aft that we went to paragon n ate dinner there.. N while eatin met another friend that initially plan to meet but end up didnt. Haha.

Some photos below of e newly open "br" at novena sq.. N stefan bought 1 for 1 chocolate fudge for himself!! Cox im havin flu.. Cant eat..

2011-11-16T01:34:00.003+08:00

Still remember ice gem biscuit? Here's one of those to be feature in my upcoming publication postcard, 6 beauties of Singapore. Some NGs photos here:

2011-11-14T06:10:00.001+08:00

I duno y i woke up in e middle of e nite wen i feel realii backache-ing n tire ytd nite. N since im awake, i wil jus eat my medicine n force myself back to rest.. Cough n throat still no good. However good grief, my cough n throat r quite guai during ytd event shoot in e nite. N i was pretty lucky i've fri as an off day so tat i could rest, but it jus nv got better so sat i was on mc. N every nite since thurs will b my hardest time to breathe n get myself asleep. N then,jus ytd, is my leave day.. So i got half a daytime to rest. I skipped one period of medication to keep me alert during the shoot. Anyway, it was a fun shoot.. Wil update here again soon!! Time to get back to sleep!

2011-11-13T22:47:00.001+08:00

Bringing back these.. Im on the bus now.

2011-11-13T01:06:00.001+08:00

One day long ago, i passedby this train playground and got curious.. it's very rare.. n i forgotten about it, and jus recalled.. n i went to do research online.. here's somewhere with info: http://jovene.tumblr.com/post/1541964567/oldplaygrounds

2011-11-12T22:31:00.003+08:00

Please vote for the ONE you think it's best for publishing for first set of "6 beauties of Singapore".

You can let me know your vote/choice.. via sms, whatsapp, facebook chat, email and some other communication devices. Thanks!

2011-11-10T11:29:00.001+08:00

I dreamt i finally shifted out of house. I moved to a hdb n stay at level 54. I was so excited to see e view at e high level, however i did not feel realii happy in my dream. I went to see my flat unit alone n it's like my first time seeing it as well.. I think the flat is not wat i see n choose, i guess somebody i trust choose for me. N well, my first time stepping into the lift of that hdb.. I can see it's a very old hdb.. On the lower level there's all units occupied.. Slowly, reachin the 30th storeys some unit r not occupy. Then reachin 40th or 50th.. Less n lesser people stayin in that level. Then here comes my lil mindset, 'i tot e higher it is, the more ppl like to stay in? Arent it the case?', everyone like great views isnt it? Im jus curious. Then at some point of time, at level 52, the lift goes slower n slower.. Tat's wen i see a picture in my eyes, i wanted to shoot, but have no camera on hands. So i use my iphone instead.

It's a random dream once again after a long time of dark sleep without dreams. Am very tire. Probably bcux ytd i let myself sleep 10hrs, i've time for such dreams. Haha.

Random portfolio

2011-11-09T17:24:00.001+08:00

Random portfolio

2011-11-07T19:01:00.001+08:00

I feel terrible when i make a decision not long ago to give up my dream job for others. N.. Now, being a shoe keeper.. Although didnt totally bring me down bcux my colleagues r well. However, feel stuck tat i couldnt even hav e very first step of my dream job.. Mayb.. Mayb someday i will try, not for others but for myself.

2011-11-02T18:31:00.001+08:00

I pondered for a long time. I knew what i really want but just couldn't move away from the situations around me n i stay. Im good, im all good and yes, to my father is.. But not for me. Im 23 this year, having a thought to become a fashion photographer someday n my photography selling in art galleries but this will never happen if i choose e wrong path in my life or even stop n stay here without any thoughts of leaving. For all my life, i've listening to my father.. Wat he wants me to b or how useless i can get without listening to his decision. He definately wun let me quit my current job tat has high pay, but im still goin to. Bcux i wana choose who n wat i wana b. i dun wana look at myself 10years later n see myself as nobody or jus someone doin e same without improvement for all my life. I wana see myself in every passing years improving my skills, technics n others that relates to my passion which is photography. I do not need to publish stuff every year but i jus wana do the job i wish for n i wana b a humble photographer. 10 years later, even if i dun see myself as a fashion photographer.. I'll tell myself to try harder, aim longer.. Mayb 15yeard..? And if i can b fashion photographer sooner than 10years, i will strive for awards. I hope to b somebody that i'll satisfied with. Only from going into this trade n learn more from ppl out there can leads me somewhere. I hope i can n I'll definately try harder.

2011-11-02T18:16:00.001+08:00

Everytime u met a disaster, u'll fear of its upcomings. However, this is a challenge in your life to make you a better n stronger person.

2011-11-01T20:43:00.003+08:00

today i kept on eating.. from morning, i bought a $4 dish of vegetables with 80cents discounted bcux it's from my company. N.. ate lunch at my workin plc canteen. After lunch, came along with an bubble gum + raspberry sorbet ice cream with nerds topping which cost me around $8, discount til $5.40/-. Then dinner i bought from e newly open "lao huo tang" at my house nearby.. e soup cost me $7.20/- bcux i bought e best one out of e whole shop, however was kinda disappointed bcux their standard abit drop from the other branches they had. Then there, came back home.. n after awhile my mum came back with some desert n drinks.. we hide inside my room n eat aloe vera jelly.. (hide, bcux my dad dun let us hav good food). Stil got one more honey aloe vera juice. Eat soo much!!?

2011-10-30T23:30:00.001+08:00

If u ask me, wat will i love to do at my freetime.. I would say i love to create things.

Somehow i've this inspiration to create my own portfolio catalogue since im lookin foward to find a good photo studio to work at soon.. Must well put alittle bit more effort in makin my portfolio. It doesnt jus involve photoshop n printing. It involves my crafting! Hah! Im somehow confused bout pages n stuff.. Was thinkin for a long time how to arrange e pages.. Not my kinda ting. Made some mistakes n experiment more now. I managed to create mock up copy for my future print here. But.. Wasted alot of printer ink.. Bankrupt soon if ink finish soon again!

2011-10-30T17:39:00.001+08:00

Im very happy today bcux today is my pay day n oso my pay day!! That means i got two pay comin in.. One pay is from work.. Another, from freelancing. Today is my last part of e shoot for one of the commercial shoot n i challenge myself to complete e post processing of the 5 days of photos taken before my laptop batt is flat. N.. Good grief, i finished it wen my lappy left 7seconds of batt life. Lots of warnings from my lappy. Lol. I tot i couldnt finish in time, wanted to giv up but i try harder.. Keep on havin doubts of my capability. So kept on close window n re-open.. Wasted quite some time n battery. I burned e cd on e spot for my client. Although im fast, but i did double check n less likely to leave mistakes behind.

2011-10-28T22:23:00.001+08:00

Uh-ha.. Suddenly realize therausaurs.com can convert phrase into words.. It would b a great help to me especially wen stefan is not by my side and friends are busy. I've to correct my own english myself. This is one of those things i seriously wana improve on. I hope i can do all these thing by myself soon or later.

2011-10-28T12:32:00.001+08:00

You should nv land ur trust on a somebody whom hated u b4. Bcux if u do so, u might ruin ur life.

2011-10-27T18:58:00.001+08:00

Only recent i realised my collegues r not really true blue passionate in photography. They took up this job to earn more money. Some, with greater technics n some without any. However, my mindset n dreams is totally different from them. I seriously hope to move on.. To learn better things out there. Silly me, i choose to transfer to retail temporary than a media job bcux i thought they r realli passionate n want that job position badly. N it's onli open to one per position. It's too late, no longer able to send my resume there.

Now bcux of mindset, alot of stuff has distract friendship n related. They r trying to "psycho" me or even convince me to their so call "correct thoughts". I seriously wun direct ppl to listen to my thoughts as it is subjective. But how can i stop ppl for doin this to me?

2011-10-26T10:28:00.002+08:00

I had a nightmare. erm, mayb it's two.. combine into one. lol.

It's like a mixture dream about aliens n ufo coming to attack the earth.. n oso.. stefan doesnt love me anymore.. n jus bcux im afraid of going to ulu places, n im worry bout him.. n request him dun go.. then he thinks im not the one for him. I noe, he needs a stronger girl.. a strong female photographer. Im probably not as strong as he thinks, n he onii realised 2yrs n half after we've get together. =(

In my dream, there's a bitch who appeared in my scene. She came to torture me, n tell me how much she loves stefan.. n i dun hav the right to love him bcux i duno how to take care of him. It feels like he's not happy being with me. N those, r owaz e question i ask him in real life.. "do u regret? or r u happy being with me?". Somehow, i know that im soo afraid of losing him but i dun usually say it out. As most of e ppl noe, im pretty stubborn.. jus like my dad. We r made of metal, hard to bend. N.. my languages r not likely to sound nice sometimes.. but at heart it might mean differently. Trying to change n improve those bad habits thou.. im human too, i need sometime. Some ppl jus expect me to listen to wat they say, n change or agree to wat they say. As usual, i dun listen to jus one.. i'll repeat the same question of e problem, n ask my good friends n ppl around me.. ppl who understands where i came from, n not ppl who dun even noe which position i stand inbetween. Anyway, back to the topic. In my dream, i ask stefan not to go to the ulu beach to shoot again.. then he replied: "then u follow me, if u dun wan me to go alone..", he then say "if u cant, then dun come n control where i wana go". Sob.. Looks like that bitch could follow him wherever he wants to go. Soo.. i shut up.. I duno how to gain back his love, but still tryin to. That's a stupid dream thou. At one point of the dream i said "it's not only ulu.. but there's alien nowadays.. they harm people!!". LOL. Aliens. Dots dots..

2011-10-26T00:14:00.001+08:00

Why does everyone think they are so right??

2011-10-22T08:00:00.001+08:00

I dont wana b a useless person. I wana fulfill as much things in my life as possible!! I wana create lots of stuff, get inspiration.. Feel my life, deep thoughts! I hope wen im older, i'll feel satisfied bout myself n oso e stuff i created.

2011-10-19T17:22:00.001+08:00

Suddenly feel like eatin "vinegar sharkfin soup".

Today, i went out to cityhall w 'little pink pebble' jeremy n akai.. We ate lunch together n shop camera shops together.

Now im on e bus, on my way home with my lotsa barangs.. N good news here, i finally found backdrop tubes n haha.. Tonite im gona shoot my family portraits w that. Tryin to figure lightings too, not reallii good in tat thou. N i did learnt alot from e shop i went to.. E shop assistant explains bout lights for 1 hr. lol. Haha. Good ting i went there.

2011-10-19T13:30:00.001+08:00

I love eatin aoba with stefan, only with stefan.

2011-10-18T22:34:00.004+08:00

Some random photos that I took long ago was selected by Henry Marketing Company and they mass published onto their diary for 2012, it's selling in all Popular Bookstores in Singapore now. http://henrymarketingservices.blogspot.com/2010/09/diary-2011.html

FYI, I don't earn a single cent by the amount of book sales because it's under the company name and product. Unlike, composing dreams postcard book.. still trying to earn back printing cost.. almost there, ganbattae!! If u've idea of how to market my books, and suitable shops in selling it.. please do let me know!! Thanks!!

..And soon if nothing's blocking the way, my "6 beauties of Singapore" postcards will be out. And probably, publishing will stop after this last set of postcards. Depending on whether im able to cope with the time i've outside work, been really busy.

Here's one mock up print by my printer, trying out:

2011-10-18T15:30:00.002+08:00

It's only the 3rd day after Stefan leaves Singapore. I wouldn't wana let him know that i misses him because I'm still depressed about what has happened one day before he left. He only looks at his own perspective of things and not really looking into mine which is what I'm most angry about him being selfish. However, this.. maybe is not that serious. Thou i wonder for awhile, is he really the right guy for me? A person who goes after his photography more than me, and this is the impression he gave to me not only on that day. He denied, and always. I felt those are really empty words and actions counts. That's to my perception and that's the impression he gave to me and am really disappointed. To him, there's nothing to be afraid of.. if you put him opposite OCH in one of the dark areas inbetween the beach and the forest. It's nothing to him. But for as me, Im a girl.. although im a photographer myself. I understand how important were those sunset moments to him, he walked off to shoot that sunset moment and he left me behind alone somewhere where there's alot of uneven rocks. Then there, since he left me alone without notice what's wrong.. then i shall also walk away and leave him alone there since the skies has not been darken yet. I struggled n climbed out of those big rocks with my camera n tripod n my bag.. walked away, he didnt even realised until 30-45mins later.. i lost in the middle of walking. N he found me somewhere in total darkness. N stand beside me n tell me how happy he was.. It makes me angry although he's happy. Bcux im standing here with my jelly legs, feared of this place n feared of darkness.. he just left a girl alone like that. Anyway, i've nv tell anyone b4 but he knows im afraid of Changi.. esp. OCH. I came right there just to accompany him to make him feel happy and he promised to stay by my side. Looks like i did the wrong choice, bcux he broke the promise. If one simple promise as that, he could easily break it. How bout future promise? I dont see any purpose of going on this relationship at that moment.

But im confused and emo for awhile. But thinking positive, photography might be more important to him than irene.. but atleast there's nothing more. It's just one non-living thing, atleast it's not another person. Isn't it? And thinking otherwise, i shall not have soo much expectation.. girls are always slaves to men in tradition isn't it? Should i think this way to make myself accept things properly?

Ice kacang

2011-10-17T23:25:00.001+08:00

Other ppl emo they go drink alone at pub or club. I emo, i eat ice kacang at makasutra in the midnight alone.

2011-10-12T13:43:00.001+08:00

Randomly lookin at my status in fb. So, im still a gradurate from an ite. By rite, i guess most ppl from ite will not b sucessful in wat they studied.. An example, me. I quitted archit after a long think. I persue photography instead. N mayb some r sucessful. Seeing alot of classmates n friends gettin into polytechnics, indeed they have hopes even they r from ite. But through all these years, i see some dropout from poly or even dun wana work e same jobline as wat they had studied. So now they r backed to square one.

Sometimes, when i look at myself or my life. I really think im pretty hopeless, cant get into government schools, nt enug money for pricate schools. When i try to tok it out to some, it kinda makes them feel like i didnt try at all.. But they dont know only. N sometimes, u need abit of luckiness to get to do e things u love in ur life. I might b able to study onli if i giv up my dream job for money n work in some retail place tat could earn me more n able to save enug. If i were to go to my dreamjob or mayb stay in my dreamjob.. I'll b realli poor at start, n probably richer aft i get my hands on most of e stuff in tat jobline. But everything is seriously hard to say.

My life gona hav major change once again.. Bcux of money n parents restriction.

Sudden thoughts

2011-10-10T18:31:00.001+08:00

I suddenly thought how did i bcome this stupid n in this state now? N, tat change alittle of my "always" thoughts. I've always thought i was naturally stupid since i was born n oso bcux my father says so. He taught me that im a stupid person at my growing stage. So i thought so too all e way til now. But atleast now, i've alot more confident than long ago. N y, the sudden thought of "how did i get so stupid n at this stage now"?

I was talking to a colleague who is interested in architecture n since i had worked in archi jobline for 4 over yrs, i'll jus share w him something tat might help him towards his future dream/career. Shared some knowledge in such job n oso showed him some of past works. There, he randomly tells me that i do know alot of stuff n oso able to do archi better than photography.. N he ask y i didnt continue to do this thing tat in good in?

N.. Tat is one of e situation that makes me think that i might not be as stupid when i was born. I might b born smart but only certain part of my life, i became more stupid? I really dont know n doubt about it.

N.. 1 more doubt, in seeing it in a psychology way.. I may be brain fuck by my dad too much that reduces my confidence n intelligence. But thinking another perspective, i shall not blame others for any self "natural" faulties. It's probably jus suay or unfair in my life, or maybe i should take it as that. But im lucky enough i've a good eye for photos n a use-able camera.

Perhaps not good enough in photography, but for beginning of my dream job i'll jus b satisfy w wat i've already got.. Skills, knowledge n equipments

2011-10-07T01:50:00.003+08:00

I was alittle lonely, and hungry. When i came back home, i saw chun hong under my block. And then we plan to go supper together. We went, and ate.. and, after the supper.. wen i was walking back home, i've a random thoughts of taking a photo of a simple daily lifestyle place with nobody. N i took a photo using my iphone. Slowly, i keep on lookin into my iphone n walk along. N.. i started walking everywhere else to shoot photos like that.. i was out there from 12am to 2am of 7th Oct 2011. Lol. N.. i accidentally created a series of emo emo photos. I named it "没有人" (Nobody was there).

Again, a dream back to sku

2011-10-01T12:04:00.001+08:00

I always have these random dreams that i gone back to re-study.. Ytd too.. But dreams r jus dreams. I've no hope n chance to it. 1st important ting is money, 2nd will b my results. Even ppl who cant get into govt school, they can study private sku. Wat bout me? I've none. N end of my life, i still have none. I requested to study n ask my dad if i could borrow a few thousands to fulfill a diploma cert. But he says if i could get in, it's money n not my mentallity. N he refused to help.. This happened approx. 2 yr ago. Im so helpless as u can see. At tat point of time im quite poor.. Bcux my nitec job salary can only make me survive w my travel n food expenses n oso half of it aft deducting cpf goes to my parents. Hard to have any xtras for savings.. Somemore, ot is free.. Small Companies tat i've worked in r big bullies. Verbally force u to ot n doesnt wan to pay up.

Now, everyting seems much better. Im workin in a big company n wen they nid us to ot, they pay legally. N current pay as a photographer, salary is higher n i still can afford to giv my parents alittle bit more.. N ot more to earn back.. More savings now.

Probably y i wil dream bout goin back to study bcux i hav enug money to pay for sku fees.. But not exactly bcux it's onli enug to pay for sku fee.. But every month i still have to pay my parents a few hundred, eat n travel.. N how bout extras money for study materials n backup medical money? Nobody wil help me.. So afterall, it's still hopeless.

Some friends recommend me to work part time while studying but im jus afraid i wil b too tire n health might fall.

What do u wana b in 5 yrs time?

2011-09-28T23:55:00.001+08:00

If someone were to ask me wat i wana b in 3 to 5 years time, i would answer i wana b a fashion photographer, whom shoot commercial photography as well. I wana learn alot more n i wana keep improving n non-stop photo play n creativeness!! Rawrrr!!

Anyway, i duno should i b dissapointed w myself or to b hapie tat i thought bout others. My company's visual media dept need people to join in their team. By right i might hav a chance to get interview by them.. But i sort of re-decide n let my colleague gets e chance. Mayb, to my perception is let.. But to them, i might b jus another idiot tat dun get a chance for myself. I cant decide. But i wun stay here for long, im goin out there to find a better suitable job.. To persue where im goin to..

Satisfaction from some labelling!

2011-09-28T23:47:00.001+08:00

Im glad that i could n know how to create cd labels for my Photography clients. I used to duno.. N now jus libe to create it, more n more.. Some satisfaction has been produce from makin cd label as well. A full cd of my own, from my own freelance brand name to designing e templates n to printing n sticking it on e cd.. It's pretty amazing.. Haha.

2011-09-23T00:38:00.003+08:00

I dun often blow dry my hair.. actually, dont ever blow dry it.. even if it's long hair, n now short hair.. no way hair dry it. But recently, i try out to blow dry n try wheather it's neater.. n yep, it's alittle bit more neater but not very much of any use. Uh-ha.. now, a special hair dry session into my daily lifestyle.. should take a photo for memories.. here it is:

Erm, n tat angry face is bcux no matter how i dry, it's still wet.. take a long time to dry it.